Profile:(From The Onion)
Experience:
Shot at least seven men for giving him the stink eye
Reason For Running:
Wants to Rid Washington of flimflam men, hornswogglers, jakes, jukers, and no-good four-flushers
Signature Issue:
Yelling at people
Proudest Accomplishment:
Once punched Teddy Roosevelt square in the mouth
UPDATE: You think I'm kidding? Look at this very recent New York Times/CBS poll. Do you notice that while Obama's support has gone up by 5% in one week, McCain's has gone down by 6%? Where do you think that other 1% could have gone? 
It's sure as hell not like those kind of people don't exist.
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